The truth about... One night stands
Thousands of women have had one, but are they a good thing, a bad thing or just a sex thing?
One night stands are either an accident or an adventure. The impact of the accident may be the equivalent of a stubbed toe or a motorway pile up, depending on the situation. The excitement of the adventure? Well, that’s down to you and your insignificant other…
What are they all about?
The term ‘one night stand’ originally referred to touring theatre companies who gave one performance before moving on to the next venue. The ONS with a performance of a sexual nature usually involves the meeting of like minds – both up for it – and at least one with no intention of repeating the exercise in any kind of long-term scenario, if ever.
A small research group organised by the University of Sheffield revealed that nine out of 10 women thought one night stands were immoral. However, other surveys suggest that over half the population have actually had one - and they can’t all be men or perpectually wracked with guilt… So what’s it to be?
a) A searing night of never-to-be-repeated passion – you are sex in female form, you rock, you roll, you are a wanton harlot with an ear-to-ear grin, or
b) An appalling error of judgment destined to be take up permanent residence under ‘Oh my god, what was I thinking?’
The accident waiting to happen
A one night stand is about no-strings sex. Of course, this falls on its head when one half of the equation wants to follow up with a relationship. If at all possible, manage expectations beforehand or very gently afterwards. Either way, make it clear that, ladies and gentlemen, you are here for one night only.
Waking up with a hangover next to ‘the man with no name’ - at least, not one that you can remember – is never a great start to the day. Beware the booze for it sits smirking behind many dubious shenanigans. While a little alcohol will shed inhibitions, too much dulls the senses, ruins your judgement and makes you less in control. It can also bring about an unfortunate case of brewer’s droop in your man of the moment. And beer goggles aren’t just a guy thing… Fall asleep next to Brad Pitt, wake up next to Paul Daniels – it’s magic!
The ONS is also no place for the shrinking violet. Be upfront about what you want, where you want to be and if you’ve got to be up in the morning, let him know why you’re rushing off into the night or treating him to a post-coital eviction. One night stands work best without guesswork and there’s no reason to be rude, even if he doesn’t live up to expectation.
Be wary of mistaking sex for intimacy. This kind of spontaneous flesh baring is rarely accompanied by a baring of souls and embarking on an intense debate is disastrously missing the point. That belongs with long-term relationships and conversations with your girlfriends. As do hugs. If you’re looking for emotional support, this is not the man to offer it. He’s more likely to roll over and fall asleep or do a runner.
Condoms, however, are your best friends. Chances are you don’t know exactly where your lover has been, even if he’s a mutually amorous friend or even an ex. A condom tucked away in your purse - as long as you use it - will protect you from STIs and pregnancy. Failing that, stop off at a garage or, if you’re in a pub, club or bar, use the condom machine in the toilet. Your body deserves it.
Be safe. If you go back to his, send a friend a text to let them know where you are and if you feel uneasy about anything, walk out the door.
The adventure of a lifetime
The flip side of all of this is that sex with a stranger can be a mind-blowingly liberating experience and the chance to do things you wouldn’t normally dare to do. You have no past together and probably no future, but you do have the potential for one hell of a present.
For a brief encounter par excellence, pick a bad boy. He’s so unsuitable in relationship terms it makes your hair stand on end, but for one night of passion, he’s all a girl could want – and he’ll give you license to be bad too, so unleash your wild side and save the good guys for something deeper.
A one night stand tends to be the result of sizzling chemistry and body language that screams louder than words. If you do open your mouth to speak, ply each other with sexy compliments (not naff chat up lines), be appreciative, tell him it’s so, so good if it is or tell him what you want if it isn’t – after all you’re only in it for the sex so if that’s not working, you may as well not bother!
If you’ve just come out of a long-term relationship or are just too busy to put the energy into a full-time commitment, a one-off liaison can make you feel fantastic, as long as you play it right. Forget the so-called ‘walk of shame’ back from his the next morning. Pure, unadulterated sex can put a spring in your step, a glint in your eye and make sleeping in your make-up a worthwhile sacrifice.
And if he rocked your world, let him know in a (single) text or quick phone call afterwards. After all, you may not want a relationship, but nice girls are always polite and who knows, it might win you a repeat performance sometime.
One night stands are either an accident or an adventure. The impact of the accident may be the equivalent of a stubbed toe or a motorway pile up, depending on the situation. The excitement of the adventure? Well, that’s down to you and your insignificant other…
What are they all about?
The term ‘one night stand’ originally referred to touring theatre companies who gave one performance before moving on to the next venue. The ONS with a performance of a sexual nature usually involves the meeting of like minds – both up for it – and at least one with no intention of repeating the exercise in any kind of long-term scenario, if ever.
A small research group organised by the University of Sheffield revealed that nine out of 10 women thought one night stands were immoral. However, other surveys suggest that over half the population have actually had one - and they can’t all be men or perpectually wracked with guilt… So what’s it to be?
a) A searing night of never-to-be-repeated passion – you are sex in female form, you rock, you roll, you are a wanton harlot with an ear-to-ear grin, or
b) An appalling error of judgment destined to be take up permanent residence under ‘Oh my god, what was I thinking?’
The accident waiting to happen
A one night stand is about no-strings sex. Of course, this falls on its head when one half of the equation wants to follow up with a relationship. If at all possible, manage expectations beforehand or very gently afterwards. Either way, make it clear that, ladies and gentlemen, you are here for one night only.
Waking up with a hangover next to ‘the man with no name’ - at least, not one that you can remember – is never a great start to the day. Beware the booze for it sits smirking behind many dubious shenanigans. While a little alcohol will shed inhibitions, too much dulls the senses, ruins your judgement and makes you less in control. It can also bring about an unfortunate case of brewer’s droop in your man of the moment. And beer goggles aren’t just a guy thing… Fall asleep next to Brad Pitt, wake up next to Paul Daniels – it’s magic!
The ONS is also no place for the shrinking violet. Be upfront about what you want, where you want to be and if you’ve got to be up in the morning, let him know why you’re rushing off into the night or treating him to a post-coital eviction. One night stands work best without guesswork and there’s no reason to be rude, even if he doesn’t live up to expectation.
Be wary of mistaking sex for intimacy. This kind of spontaneous flesh baring is rarely accompanied by a baring of souls and embarking on an intense debate is disastrously missing the point. That belongs with long-term relationships and conversations with your girlfriends. As do hugs. If you’re looking for emotional support, this is not the man to offer it. He’s more likely to roll over and fall asleep or do a runner.
Condoms, however, are your best friends. Chances are you don’t know exactly where your lover has been, even if he’s a mutually amorous friend or even an ex. A condom tucked away in your purse - as long as you use it - will protect you from STIs and pregnancy. Failing that, stop off at a garage or, if you’re in a pub, club or bar, use the condom machine in the toilet. Your body deserves it.
Be safe. If you go back to his, send a friend a text to let them know where you are and if you feel uneasy about anything, walk out the door.
The adventure of a lifetime
The flip side of all of this is that sex with a stranger can be a mind-blowingly liberating experience and the chance to do things you wouldn’t normally dare to do. You have no past together and probably no future, but you do have the potential for one hell of a present.
For a brief encounter par excellence, pick a bad boy. He’s so unsuitable in relationship terms it makes your hair stand on end, but for one night of passion, he’s all a girl could want – and he’ll give you license to be bad too, so unleash your wild side and save the good guys for something deeper.
A one night stand tends to be the result of sizzling chemistry and body language that screams louder than words. If you do open your mouth to speak, ply each other with sexy compliments (not naff chat up lines), be appreciative, tell him it’s so, so good if it is or tell him what you want if it isn’t – after all you’re only in it for the sex so if that’s not working, you may as well not bother!
If you’ve just come out of a long-term relationship or are just too busy to put the energy into a full-time commitment, a one-off liaison can make you feel fantastic, as long as you play it right. Forget the so-called ‘walk of shame’ back from his the next morning. Pure, unadulterated sex can put a spring in your step, a glint in your eye and make sleeping in your make-up a worthwhile sacrifice.
And if he rocked your world, let him know in a (single) text or quick phone call afterwards. After all, you may not want a relationship, but nice girls are always polite and who knows, it might win you a repeat performance sometime.