Unexpected advice for going the distance
The secrets to enduring love are sometimes found in unusual places...
There are 1001 ways to keep your relationship on the rails, but what can you do today that will give your love a new lease of life – and your own life some new horizons? Take a look at our tips and expert advice and see what happens when you do things differently.
Spend less time together
A balanced relationship consists of You, Me and Us. If one gets neglected, all three can lose out. To stay happy and fulfilled, this means putting time into both of you as individuals, as well as a couple.
Even just one afternoon a week doing something you love means you’ll return to your partner feeling charged up, positive and with a new story to tell. By pursuing your own passions, you stay true to you - the person they fell for in the first place.
Forty-five-year-old Andy says, “When I’m away from my wife, I have the chance to reflect on us and really appreciate who she is and what she does for me and the family – and I know I’m going home to the girl of my dreams!”
Out with the old, in with the new
Once a year (at least), put aside a few uninterrupted hours to spring clean your relationship, says Romance & Relationship Expert Vena Ramphal. “Share the things that are bugging you, discuss what you both want to change and have a fresh start."
Long-term unhappy couples often feel they can’t talk, so this is a ritual that’s worth its weight in relationship gold. “It makes sure resentments and misunderstanding don't build up because you clear the air regularly. It also gives you the safety of knowing that you have time scheduled in so you're not nervously waiting for the right moment,” adds Vena.
Get a bit scared
We couldn’t be without our comfort zone. It’s where we feel safe, confident and calm. It’s also where we find routine, predictability and, at worst, stagnation – and that’s the last thing your relationship needs.
Just outside your comfort zone is where excitement lives. It’s where you learn, grow and push a few boundaries. Doing new things can make you feel nervous, but on the other side is a sense of achievement and a feeling of being alive.
So what can you do to get out of your zone and add some zing, for you and your relationship? Doing a course together, sharing an adrenaline rush, volunteering and travel are all ways of shaking things up for the better.
Forget about when you first met
Reminding yourselves why you got together in the first place can make you smile, but to keep your relationship going strong, you’ll get more out of focusing on what’s going great today.
When you spotlight the positives, they become the defining feature of your relationship – and energy flows where attention goes. Share each other’s successes, pay compliments, don’t forget to say thank you and give every loving act the appreciation and respect it deserves, because – guess what? –when someone feels appreciated they’ll do it again.
Try keeping a gratitude diary or when your partner makes you feel good, write it on a piece of paper and put it in a jar, to be opened together and celebrated once a month.
Don’t have sex
In our media-driven culture, we’re all supposed to be having mind-blowing sex. All of the time. That’s tricky when you’re tired, the kids have been playing up or life gets in the way. It’s particularly challenging if sex has to be the big climax of the day with all the bells and whistles. Then it starts to feel like a mountain to climb instead of a pleasure. So change the goal…
How can you stay physically close in ways that feel achievable? Cuddles and kisses, a massage or even just a gentle touch or squeeze on the arm as you pass can keep the connection alive. Getting physical together by doing sport can also bring you more into a shared ‘body’ space. By staying on a gently intimate wavelength, you’re already part way there when the mood does take you.
Pay attention to the cracks
Your relationship may have its lows - even feel close to breaking point - but grab that moment because it’s an opportunity to grow closer as a couple.
Take a deep breath – maybe some cooling-off time too – and get real. Egos aside, what’s really going on, honestly and without blaming the other? Admitting there’s a problem doesn’t mean you’re failing – it’s Solution Step 1.
The relationship coach Alex Santoro-Emmerson says: “Even if you have the million dollar job, great health and financial security, if your relationship isn’t working, you can’t be truly happy and fulfilled no matter how much you rationalise it or lie to yourself.”
And if you can’t work it out between you, ask for help. Going the distance doesn’t mean going it alone. A therapist or coach can help you bring happy back.
Spend less time together
A balanced relationship consists of You, Me and Us. If one gets neglected, all three can lose out. To stay happy and fulfilled, this means putting time into both of you as individuals, as well as a couple.
Even just one afternoon a week doing something you love means you’ll return to your partner feeling charged up, positive and with a new story to tell. By pursuing your own passions, you stay true to you - the person they fell for in the first place.
Forty-five-year-old Andy says, “When I’m away from my wife, I have the chance to reflect on us and really appreciate who she is and what she does for me and the family – and I know I’m going home to the girl of my dreams!”
Out with the old, in with the new
Once a year (at least), put aside a few uninterrupted hours to spring clean your relationship, says Romance & Relationship Expert Vena Ramphal. “Share the things that are bugging you, discuss what you both want to change and have a fresh start."
Long-term unhappy couples often feel they can’t talk, so this is a ritual that’s worth its weight in relationship gold. “It makes sure resentments and misunderstanding don't build up because you clear the air regularly. It also gives you the safety of knowing that you have time scheduled in so you're not nervously waiting for the right moment,” adds Vena.
Get a bit scared
We couldn’t be without our comfort zone. It’s where we feel safe, confident and calm. It’s also where we find routine, predictability and, at worst, stagnation – and that’s the last thing your relationship needs.
Just outside your comfort zone is where excitement lives. It’s where you learn, grow and push a few boundaries. Doing new things can make you feel nervous, but on the other side is a sense of achievement and a feeling of being alive.
So what can you do to get out of your zone and add some zing, for you and your relationship? Doing a course together, sharing an adrenaline rush, volunteering and travel are all ways of shaking things up for the better.
Forget about when you first met
Reminding yourselves why you got together in the first place can make you smile, but to keep your relationship going strong, you’ll get more out of focusing on what’s going great today.
When you spotlight the positives, they become the defining feature of your relationship – and energy flows where attention goes. Share each other’s successes, pay compliments, don’t forget to say thank you and give every loving act the appreciation and respect it deserves, because – guess what? –when someone feels appreciated they’ll do it again.
Try keeping a gratitude diary or when your partner makes you feel good, write it on a piece of paper and put it in a jar, to be opened together and celebrated once a month.
Don’t have sex
In our media-driven culture, we’re all supposed to be having mind-blowing sex. All of the time. That’s tricky when you’re tired, the kids have been playing up or life gets in the way. It’s particularly challenging if sex has to be the big climax of the day with all the bells and whistles. Then it starts to feel like a mountain to climb instead of a pleasure. So change the goal…
How can you stay physically close in ways that feel achievable? Cuddles and kisses, a massage or even just a gentle touch or squeeze on the arm as you pass can keep the connection alive. Getting physical together by doing sport can also bring you more into a shared ‘body’ space. By staying on a gently intimate wavelength, you’re already part way there when the mood does take you.
Pay attention to the cracks
Your relationship may have its lows - even feel close to breaking point - but grab that moment because it’s an opportunity to grow closer as a couple.
Take a deep breath – maybe some cooling-off time too – and get real. Egos aside, what’s really going on, honestly and without blaming the other? Admitting there’s a problem doesn’t mean you’re failing – it’s Solution Step 1.
The relationship coach Alex Santoro-Emmerson says: “Even if you have the million dollar job, great health and financial security, if your relationship isn’t working, you can’t be truly happy and fulfilled no matter how much you rationalise it or lie to yourself.”
And if you can’t work it out between you, ask for help. Going the distance doesn’t mean going it alone. A therapist or coach can help you bring happy back.
